Captain’s Not From Here…But He’ll Serve You a Beer


Nothing will get me back on my blog quicker than folks messing with people I like.

If you’ve been to Coors Field, Sports Authority Field Salt River Fields at Talking Stick or Red Rocks more than twice you’ve seen him or purchased a beverage from him. Children are greeted as “Future Beer drinkers”, and if you’re not drinking enough he’ll let you know.

Here he cruising at warp speed.

I’m talking about my friend and Super Vendor Captain Earthman.

Here’s Captain E doing his thing at Salt River Fields at Talking Stick on St. Patrick’s Day.

The company he works for “Aramark” let him go over some bullshit about melted ice on the concourse. You know the company that hires all those quality folk at Coors Field who take 2 innings to serve you up a brat. If you ever wondered why it takes that long it’s because they’re paid hourly and could give a shit if you ever eat.

Captain E works on tips and all you have to do is call him on his cell phone and he’ll come right to your seat with a big smile, cold beer and fresh insult.

The Coors Field experience is not and will not be the same without him.

Aramark, it’s time to right this wrong or a little bit of melted ice will be the least of your problems. I will not purchase a beer, soda or any of your nauseating food until you bring back Captain Earthman.

I’m “D” the Ranter…

Coors Field without Captain Earthman is like drinking a piss warm beer.

“D” the Ranter


  1. Joy Beck Altman

    Sounds so stupid to me. What’s the deal, Aramark?? We never buy their food anyway. Always bring in our own water and peanuts, and get a Famous Dave’s sandwich. (Hopefully Aramark doesn’t get a cut of that?? Who knows.)

    • Smitty

      Joy –

      Having worked for Rawlings at Coors Field back in the day, I can tell you without a doubt, that outside of the Rockies Game Used Booth (over by Sections 146, 147, etc,) and Tckets, that ANYTHING you buy at Coors Field gives a cut to Aramark and the Rockies.

      The Dry Goods store for example has NO affiliation with the Rockies Dug Out Stores. The Dug Out Stores are owned and operated by Rockies Employees. The Dry Goods Store at Coors Field is run by Aramark.

      If we want Earthman back (which I do), we need to start taking pictures of other employees whose tubs are leaking, etc and sending them to Aramark asking why these employees weren’t fired and then we can build a discrimination suit for Capt E against Aramark.

      – Smitty

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